i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
3 2 1 whiskey
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
