Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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