I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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