Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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