do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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