Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
