i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
