You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
