Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
