it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
