Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
