Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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