Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Also, beer. Big fan.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
