my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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