No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
