You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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