If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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