Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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