Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
