i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
