garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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