Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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