my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
