Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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