I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
