do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
