Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
