My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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