return my video game
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
