I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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