the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
