wat bout pragnant strippers??
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
