tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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