Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize