It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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