i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
