you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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