Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
