It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
