we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
