I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
