I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
