fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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