i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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