The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
