I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
