I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
sex in a hospital.. check
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
