how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
