I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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