Just cropdusted the office
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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