I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
What drink are we having for lunch?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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