do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
