How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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