he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i love accidental penises.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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