you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
