Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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