we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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