I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
