Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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