never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
