This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
