Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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