he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
