Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
