is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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