Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
