I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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