Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
