my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
