it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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