It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
