I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
