next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
