dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
