dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
