k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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